Opening things is hard...

In Wreck it Ralph 2, there's a scene where she meets all the princesses, and they say, do people expect a big strong man to solve all your problems. She says, yes, and then they say, well, that makes you a princess.

Opening things often leads me to believe I am also a princess. Gateraid bottles ripping open the palms of my hands.

Pickle jars standing full, the jar taunting me with its tasty morsels.

Then today, the mini blender. The blender, having pressurized its contents to mass capacity. Mocked, my attempts to get breakfast out of its confines. Giving one last valiant effort, which I was successful in opening the blender, I managed to cause $80 worth of Chiropractic damage to my shoulder.

Today I would have gladly been a princess. I might start having my big strong man make breakfast smoothies. 

Strictly, for health reasons, mind you.....

Belief or Burden.

Tonight I am taking a celebratory closing of business bubble bath. After thirteen years of struggling with my dreams, I'm finally letting it go. I thought I would be more upset, but with evey account I deleted. It's like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. A weight I had been struggling with for to many years.

All day I needed someone to say it was ok, I was not a disappointment. ONE person ( who may have been uncharacteristically on truth serum?, and was very giggly and hyper) popped off with "yeah you should drop that". Then immediately had the. Oh, no, my brain to mouth filters broken look on her face. Those 5 words were what my heart needed to hear. That I wasn't crazy. That it was ok to keep my hobby as just a hobby and not a pile of broken effort, guilt, and stress.

It will take some time to move all the bits of my life from the intricately woven web of my business. But its ok. It is a wonderful puzzle of de-stressing. 

I am not the same person I was 13 years ago.

I have dreams of a differnt color now. I have goals that I would never had imagined then. Being free of the guilt for ignoring work tasks, to spend time on my new endeavors, is something I am looking forward too.

Heres to many more misspelled, typologically, incorrect blogs with too many commas. Sweet dreams, in all the colors, my loves.

Goldfish snacks

we have all bitten off their tiny fish smiles. however I would never dream of putting an actual fish face in my mouth. so why is there such a deep contentment in this action?

today i found dog salmon fish snacks. i am resisting the urge to put them into a bowl of human snacks at work.... but idk how long i can hold out....

Fortune

Fortune comes in threes

sometimes dropping me to my knees

Washing your soul to and fro

wondering just what way to go

Taking gold so fast i pray

that we will be able to eat in one more day

The narrow escapes God laids out

are keeping us just bearly afoot

So I ask of Fortune to send some good

cause my allotment of stress has reached the roof

one more long day... then a nap

How many times have I said that to myself? days?  weeks? years?

I do not remember time going by so quickly when I was in my 20s. carefree and in love. we had all the time in the world. now holding hands for 3 minutes seems a stolen luxury. 

maybe tomorrow? I will make time for a nap. say no to chores. not worry about gold. for one hidden day, hide from the world and just hear the sound of my heart. a glorious secret nap.

A Hard Days Work

Why is it so satisfying to have completed a hard days work? Is it cause our bodies crave activity? Our brains had to flex? Or is it the serotonin dump from seeing the results? Or very possible its worth it for the guilt free bubble bath we are rewarded with. 

what is a fear

fear to me is the faceless emotion that keeps us safe or holds us back. this is true whether its fear of spiders or of success. once it has a face can you be strong anuff to overpower your own mind?

training a puppy who was fearless up to yesterday, has been such a joy to learn from. now im just worried he will live life as we all do. with only slight hope and darkness in the corners of his mind.